Goose

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  3. Posted

    Stardate:213529.2

     

     

    In my mind he isnt dead.Has anyone ever read Shatners Star Trek series.I know they arent Canon but they are still good.in the series they explain that he cant die because fate wont let him till he is alone.Ill stio there cause i might be spoiling ti for somebody.

  6. Posted

    Stardate:213526.7

     

    Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft

    Picard:

    Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?

     

    Geordi:

    Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology.

     

     

     

    Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

    Riker:

    [puzzled] What the hell is Microsoft?

     

    Data:

    [turns to explain] Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called Windows, through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate.

     

    Picard:

    But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?

     

    Data:

    Yes, Captain. But when Windows detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an upgrade. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions.

     

    Picard:

    Excellent work. This is even better than that unsolvable geometric shape idea.

     

     

     

    . . . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

    Data:

    Captain, we have successfully installed the Windows in the Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected upgrade.

     

    Geordi:

    Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an upgrade to compensate for their increase.

     

    Picard:

    Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we have missed.

     

    Data:

    Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the upgrade. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.

     

    Riker:

    Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F!

     

    Geordi:

    [excited] Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !

     

    Picard:

    Data, what do your scanners show?

     

    Data:

    [studying displays] Apparently the Borg have found the internal Windows module named Solitaire, and it has used up all available CPU capacity.

     

    Picard:

    Lets wait and see how long this Solitaire can reduce their functionality.

     

     

     

    . . . . Two Hours Pass . . .

    Riker:

    Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?

     

    Geordi:

    As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more Windows modules from something called the Microsoft Fun-Pack.

     

    Picard:

    How much time will that buy us?

     

    Data:

    Current Borg solution rates allow me to predict an interest time span of 6 more hours.

     

    Geordi:

    Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.

     

    Picard:

    Identify.

     

    Data:

    It appears to have markings very similar to the Microsoft logo...

     

     

     

    [over the speakers] This is admiral Bill Gates of the Microsoft flagship MONOPOLY. We have positive confirmation of unregistered software in this sector. Surrender all assets and we can avoid any trouble. You have 10 seconds to comply.

    Data:

    The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects.

     

    Picard:

    Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!

     

    Riker:

    My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep space?!

     

    Data:

    I do not believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits.

     

     

     

    Riker and Picard, together [horrified]: Lawyers!!

    Geordi:

    It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening.

     

    Data:

    True, but apparently some must have survived.

     

    Riker:

    They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers.

     

    Data:

    I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as red tape. It often proves fatal.

     

    Riker:

    They're tearing the Borg to pieces!

     

    Picard:

    Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the Borg doesn't deserve such a gruesome death!

  7. Posted

    Stardate:213526.7

     

     

    TOP TEN BUMPERSTICKERS ON THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE

    10. "Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!"

     

    9. "One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it"

     

    8. "HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!"

     

    7. "Guns don't kill people...Class 2 Phasers do!"

     

    6. "Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!"

     

    5. "CAUTION...We have a trigger happy Klingon at tactical."

     

    4. "If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?"

     

    3. "Have you hugged a Ferengi today?"

     

    2. "We brake for cubes!"

     

    1. "Wesley On Board!"

     

  8. Posted

    Stardate:213526.7

     

     

    Top 21 Signs That the Enterprise is Nearing the End of its Warranty

    1.Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.

    2.Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".

    3.Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.

    4.Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.

    5.Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".

    6.Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.

    7.Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.

    8.Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.

    9.Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.

    10.Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become to steep for crew to climb.

    11.Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.

    12.Holodeck becomes caught in infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.

    13.Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.

    14.Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.

    15.Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.

    16.Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.

    17.Ship's dryer indiscriminently shreds crew's uniforms, and related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.

    18.Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty please, with sugar on it."

    19.Riker unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer crashes and loses access to nude volleyball program.

    20.Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are exhausted, and door must be replaced with bead curtains.

    21.Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.

  9. Posted

    Stardate:213526.6

     

    91 Things that never happen in Star Trek

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered several times before.

    The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.

    The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.

    The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.

    The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.

    An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.

    A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.

    A power surge on the Bridge is fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a 'fuse'.

    The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.

    The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.

    The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.

    The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, sting, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.

    The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.

    The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in some way unconnected with the 20th century.

    Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.

    A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.

    The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.

    The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny, day

    An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."

    A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.

    Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."

    Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!

    Picard walks up to the replicator and says, "Coke on ice."

    Counselor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.

    Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.

    Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"

    When Worf tells the bride officers that something is entering visual range no one says "On screen."

    Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.

    Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done in "Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).

    Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarty pants, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.

    Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful

    The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.

    Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better than ever.

    Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.

    Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.

    Data falls in love with the replicator.

    Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.

    The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.

    An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale.

    Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.

    Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.

    Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt. (Or even, Kirk DOESN'T get into a fistfight...)

    Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesn't sacrifice herself for him.

    Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics

    Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack by alien race/etc.!! due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan physiology" and thus he cannot save the day.

    The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eyebrow.

    Some of the crew visits the holodeck, and it works properly.

    The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people and decides to blow it off and go fishing.

    Commander Riker and Geordi decide to pull a practical joke on Wesley and beam him into the women's gymnasium shower room.

    The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, and gets hopelessly lost in the wrong star system.

    The crew of the Next Generation sit around for an entire episode and watch reruns of the original Star Trek.

    Data gets too close to a hair-dryer and spends an entire episode walking around flashing a well known Vulcan hand sign and saying "live long and prosper".

    The Enterprise crew is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which puts them in a galactic cubby hole and forgets about them.

    The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without his luggage.

    An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to be destroyed because it is the wrong polarity.

    A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff. The part however has not been available for 200 years.

    Over a period of two months, the entire crew of the Enterprise become infected with genital warts.

    The Enterprise encounters a vastly inferior alien intelligence, which they spend an entire episode belittling and embarrassing.

    The Enterprise breaks down in deep space and has to be towed back to a star base by a garbage scow.

    Guinan reveals that on her home planet, all she ever did was work at a McDonalds.

    The Enterprise develops a bad case of 'space rust' and spends most of an episode at dry-dock with painters wondering how to get the paint to dry in outer space.

    Captain Picard walks off the job for most of an episode in a dispute over vacation and medical benefits.

    Dr. Crusher receives a letter lost in the mail for 15 years from her late husband telling her he has been having an affair and is leaving her.

    The warp engines start acting up a bit, and Geordi gets blown to bits when he drops his visor in an engine while fixing it.

    Wesley Crusher goes on a weekend jaunt with 'The Traveler' and comes back 40 years older.

    Counselor Troi tells Worf that he really is an evil rotten person deep inside.

    Data falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and stays behind to get married and raise a family.

    Scotty anticipates the situation and has everything working at peak performance before it is needed.

    While walking down a corridor, one of the crew remarks, "I think we're lost. These corridors all look the same."

    The Enterprise decides to leave a dangerous sector before there are signs of danger.

    Picard visits the sickbay and requests the cure for baldness.

    After meeting the hostile inhabitants of a planet, the Away-Team's phasers are more then adequate for their defense.

    A redshirt sneaks down a deserted corridor, turns a corner, and suddenly has a surprise birthday party.

    A redshirt manages to avoid the thrown knife, phaser shot, arrow, or whatever.

    McCoy says, "On second thought, maybe I'm a carpenter and NOT a doctor after all."

    The deflector shields hold through the duration of the battle.

    Kirk meets a woman whom he's known for years but never had sex with.

    Sulu and Chekov get to do something interesting.

    Kirk says, "Uhura, I'm frightened."

    Kirk gets Court-martialed for violating the Prime Directive.

    A Klingon says to a companion, "Hey, I like you."

    Harry Mudd manages to turn a healthy profit selling something legal.

    An android race turns out to be completely friendly and not threatening or menacing in any way.

    Some patient of McCoy's who's NOT a central character lives.

    Riker manages to avoid seeming like a William Shatner clone.

    The crew of the original Enterprise disperse, Sulu gets his own ship, and nobody suffers major emotional trauma.

    A major character dies and isn't resurrected.

    The mysterious a giant threatening object is on a direct course for some world other than Earth.

    Somebody says, "You know, the Enterprise-D looks really stupid! What is it, a `Close Encounters' reject???"

    Artificial intelligence and android technology make human exploration of the galaxy obsolete.

    McCoy says, "He'll live, Jim."

  10. Posted

    Stardate:213526.5

     

     

    OMG it was Gabe Logan!!!!!!!I was a member of his board,the United Federation of Planets I belive it was called,before I came here.As a matter of fact it was Bevfank's post at that board that brought me here.

     

    A few weeks after I joined this board he sent me an email calling me a traitor and what not.I went back to his board and found it was shut down.How sad,I think he is jealous of you VBG.

     

    Anyways we are all behind you in your decision.You were alot more generous to him then I would of been

  17. Posted

    Stardate:213523.5

     

     

    O'Brien steps into his quarters and hears the doors lock.Keiko comes running up to him with a worried look on her face.

     

    Keiko:Miles whats going on???????

     

    O'Brien:There was an....incident in the transporter room today.I have been ordered not to discuss it.I am being confined to quarters until further notice.Why I dont know.

  18. Posted

    Stardate:213523.5

     

     

    I think they should keep the same characters.If you keep changing characters then there is no character developement.And if you have no character development then you cant have a very good plot episode after episode.

     

    As far as changing ships if it were written well and only happened once MAYBE twice in a series then I wouldnt mind.